no longer a free country

I thought I grew up in a nation that valued personal freedom, the right to choose for oneself, the right to one's own religious expression, the right to be YOURSELF. I thought these rights were protected by that document Americans claim to hold in highest respect, The Constitution, named as if there is no other - as if no other document could ever reach the high standards ours does.

I was misled.

Perhaps we should change our Constitution to more accurately reflect the values we actually hold close: conformity, Christianity (preferably born-again), and self-righteousness as individuals and as our national identity.

For everyone in this city who has the nerve to greet me on the street, or smile in my direction, there's five who glare, scowl, look at me as if I'm a piece of shit on their shoe, mock me with jeers of "bin laden" or "suicide bomber", and tell their curious children that I'm some kind of monster.

I've had dreams lately where I've thrown off my hijab in disgust at one thing or another. This is why.

This treatment is also why the Muslim women here who wear hijab aren't often seen in public, and why the handful who wear niqab just don't leave their homes. I'm clearly stupid to be so stubborn. It gets me nothing but hatred piled on my head.

It would be so easy to change the way I dress, to better fit in, to draw less bile toward myself.

Yet I remain stubborn, because if I give in then I lose the bit of self respect I have left. That fragment is all I have to hold on to.

I would think this was a form of hatred confined to certain isolated and bigoted places, except that the same message, that 'you're not one of us and never will be,' is repeating itself across the entire country. Recent examples: proposed (though thankfully not passed into law) bills in two states banning all forms of headcovering on drivers license photos, ESPECIALLY hijab; this was taken quite seriously but was recognized as probably unconstitutional. The reports of banks, or bank employees, that require women to remove their hijab, conduct their banking in a 'separate-but-equal' back room out of sight of all other customers, or leave; there's been some backpedaling from a few of these banks when confronted, but much of that has sounded rather grudging. And, there's the public reaction to these events and others like it, which seems overwhelmingly to say that civil rights protections shouldn't apply to people who dress like (their idea of) terrorists, because the banks are right, we ragheads are indeed a threat. Particularly the women, since we're the visible ones. And this isn't really against the Constitution because we are all being treated the same: we Muslims must all conform, convert, or leave the country. (See? Fair and equal treatment.)

And I'll be glad to oblige them, at least the local bigots: I'll be relieved to finally leave this place in a few months, and stop being such a threat to their uniformity. Ohio bigots will seem charming in comparison.